I started feeling better once I realized that my ADHD requires chaotic discipline not regular discipline, meaning some days I’ll be on fire and some days I need to be a potato, and being a potato some days helps me be on fire other days.
This is a very personal experience because I’m currently managing both ADHD and chronic illness, but I’ve also found that giving myself breaks on fire days (active rest like a walk, a snack, or a shower) helps me not potato as hard. In case it helps someone!
I've noticed this especially with my menstrual cycles. Accepting and embracing that I will two good weeks and two probably-not-so-good weeks has really shifted things for me.
Same! Even more fascinating is how aligned I have found myself to be with the moon. Energy levels and cycles. It has been life changing for me. It definitely still requires acceptance of the days I can't do anything. Somehow knowing there are reasons beyond my control helps, and I can release the shame and narrative of "lazy." Plus, I feel so connected to nature. Win win.
Anna, I started mapping my energy and focus to my cycles last year and noticed the same thing, but your phrasing of 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off or kinda-off is a really helpful way for me to frame it. Thank you!
Have definitely seen this rhythm for myself. I call this “sprint mode” and “blob mode” so basically the same concept. lol.
The remaining issue I haven’t hacked is how to create a baseline for potato/blob days that allow me to continue to move things forward and function well enough when work and life demand it.
I am also curious if you or any of the community here have thoughts on how to know when these days are coming. Part of it is hormone cycles (mid cycle is definitely fire/sprint mode) so I can plan on this. Or I run on adrenaline from when my work requires me to host an event, especially the bigger ones, and I know potato days follow and I plan for that. It’s the rest of the time I can’t figure out. I just don’t want to commit to fire mode activities if I am gonna wake up in potato mode and need to rest but I really can’t.
I am eager to talk more about this. I think especially in Midlife, we really want to make our natural processes work for us because we understand them better. Appreciate you sharing the wisdom.
Oh please do!! As an undiagnosed neurodivergent (I think!) ME and perimenopause sufferer this article is me!! I am just starting to realise I need potato days and need to accept them!
That's the question I'm working on for myself these days : can't see/feel my "orange zone", it's like green until...... It's dark red and I have to cancel or reschedule all my appointements / engagements (and this is hard, cause keeping my engagement is a strong value for me). Not sure if I "should" plan patatoe/rest time or if I just "have to" learn to go with the flow and improvise (which can be tough with some ASD aspect of my brain who craves for structure and routine and the other (dominant) part which is just like "f* it all, yeehaaa !!" ;)) Thanks for this post, and thanks you for your comment !! 🙏
Lol I love this because it's exactly what I've been learning for myself but I didn't have a good word for it.... POTATO DAYS!!! 🥳
FWIW, I would actually encourage POTATO HOUR for anyone who needs it as well. As someone living w severe long term autistic burnout, most of my days are actually potato days.... but I do have to feed myself, so I can't go full potato every single day. So make potato time whenever it works best for you!! Be the potato you want to see in the world! 😍😘
I can't express how absolutely greatful I am to have found your substack I was diagnosed in my early 20s I felt so broken I began seeking help & found it at the free clinic was diagnosed with anxiety & depression & given medicationwith little relief down the road a few yrs later a different doctor had diagnosed ADHD but (that was over 30 years ago. Im sure I have had it all my life long before ADHD became an identifiable diagnosable thing. Living undiagnosed resulted in much of my life being criticized & labeled as bad or abnormal as I was criticized for many things, that even now I am still learning are characteristics of those with ADHD; walking too fast, staying up too late, sleeping too much,sleeping too late, always rushing last minute, being late, being clumsy not paying attention, talking to loud, too much,mood swings, too sensitive I was labeled a bad student,unfocused, lazy, a procrastinator, & CONSTANTLY called out for not finishing things. I still in my head hear my parents " why can't you..." "You need to..." " If you would only..." am an artsy type crafty, poetry, drama club but so much criticism sticks & becomes hard to hear & the when one already believes all the things she's been labeled her whole life it's hard to make your way in the world believing you are a not normal & define yourself as a loser who will never amount to anything & my best chance is to find a husband who will "put up with me" I never married have no kids, Now I'm old & have survived on unconventional flexible jobs after being a bartender for 30+ years cause I suck at a regimented scheduled. Just flailing through life.
Think of the strength it took for you to keep going and live your life in spite of all the lemmings who couldn’t see past their own noses and tried to push you into their tiny little ‘how to live a proper life’-box.
You’re a rockstar and don’t let yourself believe any different!
Any tips on how one with a full time job and/or multiple young children embrace potato days without sacrificing their home and/or neglecting their kids? It’s often easier for those who own their homes and/or have a neurotypical significant other whose job can support them both, but many of us dealing with adhd/audhd burnout are living hand to mouth as it is and can’t afford to quit their jobs even though their mental health is being impacted by the stress of working 5 days a week. The fear of being homeless / having your children taken away is worse, and permeates into relaxation time if one who can already barely make rent takes a day off. Many of us go to work sick because we’re afraid of being evicted if our pay check is short. Not to mention that not too many bosses are cool with folx not coming in to work “because they needed a potato day”. What are some solutions that struggling folx from every social class can access?
This was my thinking, if thinking is the right word. Caring role, running a family, having to work out income. Every day. My diagnosis is fairly recent but it's the intense severe shaking falling over burnout that made the ADHD suddenly obvious. What I've found at the moment - micronaps of possible. Even just sitting down. Audiobooks while doing other stuff, but even more so just relaxing background music which changes when it gets a bit irritating. It's okay to bounce around with them. Currently I use the Ambience app (free, I'm pretty sure) - the metro and espresso range are great for having a bit of energy (when meds kick in). Slow work - that is, tired but have to keep going: the current go to is 1920s Jazz cafe background (YouTube), slow jazz, tinkling piano. Just on low volume. Works amazingly well. Stepping outside, so nature of any kind can offer you something. During the day showers have been my current experiment which seem to help energy and focus
Cool showers are good. And for sleeping better my wife found ambient SFX on you tube, such as riverboat crossing, in a train sleeper cabin, crickets... Again, try different ones and get to know them. Your mood and cells will tell if one is right or not. Oh, and lying flat on your back. This, apparently, signals to your body that there are no threats. My body almost audible sighs and sinks. Which is amazing, works irrespective of your brain, because it's more basic. It's what I've found, anyway. Sorry for your stress piles and stress walls especially the finance - that's such a cruel kicking your legs out constantly violence. My only way to earn income is through writing - but organising that has been accepting a long slow process. Seeing a vagueish precishish end goal of publishing and helping other writers, but celebrating steps and part steps that get there. E.g clearing a bit of space in a room toward having a shared workspace. Working on rhythms and habits for a clean kitchen. Oversharing? Don't know, but I know how lonely that stress is.
4:20 am. Couldn't sleep but tired. Feeling much better for reading this article and writing this.
So, this one: creativity is a source of energy pat excellence, and worth working at even in small bits. And accepting that small wins are actually huge ones when your're exhausted.
Wow, that's amazing Ailia. I'm so glad. The dof g just sighed at my feet, the traffic on the distant hwy(1:47am), I'm trying to get to bed earlier, that is, start another new routine, be auaw it's not just me it's the home family ecosystem I'm trying to lift up here, and you've just perked me in that way that you know is meaningful even though you're tired. So, Shazam. Respectful nod to you.
Hi JB. Not sure if these ideas will help you, but wanted to put them forward in hopes that they might. As a single mom, when my daughter was little, we had some play routines that she loved which really were about giving myself a chance to rest. For one, we would play "boat" where she'd pack a bag with toys, a snack, book, etc. She'd climb into my bigger bed, or the sofa, the "boat." I'd bring the broom which was her "oar." She'd row with the broom and tell stories about where we were going to her dolls. I rested. The other time she still has fond memories of was when I taught her to blow bubble gum. In reality I was sick on the sofa with walking pneumonia, and teaching her bubble gum kept her happily occupied for a couple hours each day. Hope you are able to find some potato day routines.
I LOVE this because this makes so much sense. For me; I tend to focus on my cycle and the Moon to get an idea of what I can expect from myself emotionally. For example; I know that if I'm in my follicular phase - I'm bound to have a lot more energy than when I am in my late luteal phase. I also find that my adhd is worse during my luteal phase so I make sure to (1) take more of my medicine (according to my doctor), rest more, and (2) allow myself to take it easy without judging myself.
So I love this. "Chaotic discipline". I'm here for it. <3
I love this- though I’m still working on accepting it in my day-to-day. Pre-ADHD-diagnosis me (read: pre-covid lockdowns, actively in an intense graduate degree program, heavily masking and didn’t know it, ran on anxiety alone but thought it was normal) didn’t feel like she struggled with discipline in the traditional sense. It’s been hard to reconcile that with present me, who now understands how so much of what I used to think was discipline was actually intense anxiety and a schedule that imposed an extreme amount of external structure.
While I recognize the ebbs and flows to my productivity now, I still find myself frustrated on potato days. I feel like I should be more productive, and because my brain remembers that version of me who didn’t (knowingly) struggle with productivity, I feel like I should be trying to get back to that version of myself even though I know it wouldn’t be healthy and isn’t possible. “Should” is doing a lot of heavy lifting in the previous sentence, but I suppose it feels like even though there were a lot of drawbacks to how things used to be for me, I can’t help but admire that past version of myself and be a bit jealous that when she said she was going to do something, she did it and didn’t fight so hard with the aspect of discipline.
It takes time to rewrite the shoulds. Just keep pushing back against it with all the reasons why they’re bad for you. They’ll back off over time. If it helps, remember that rest that allows you to do more in the long run is productive in its own way. Also, productivity doesn’t determine your worth, despite what our capitalist society says. You have just as much worth in potato mode as you do in fire mode.
This is what I'm trying to work on! I call it ebb and flow, but exactly the same. I need to save this for when the next 🥔days arrive, which they will. Thank you, Kelly
Totally agree with this. There are days when I have to lay on the sofa with a duvet watching Gilmore Girls. The only problem is, I also have a neurodivergent 9-year-old which means I can't always have a potato day 😞
This is a very personal experience because I’m currently managing both ADHD and chronic illness, but I’ve also found that giving myself breaks on fire days (active rest like a walk, a snack, or a shower) helps me not potato as hard. In case it helps someone!
Absolutely!! Breaks on fire days are so important <3
Fellow chronic illness adhd -er here too!
It’s like you never know where symptoms are coming from.
Me too, the ADHD brain likes a mix of activity, even if it's *all* active.
Like the way you put that!
Also living with ADHD + chronic illness 💗
I've noticed this especially with my menstrual cycles. Accepting and embracing that I will two good weeks and two probably-not-so-good weeks has really shifted things for me.
Same! Even more fascinating is how aligned I have found myself to be with the moon. Energy levels and cycles. It has been life changing for me. It definitely still requires acceptance of the days I can't do anything. Somehow knowing there are reasons beyond my control helps, and I can release the shame and narrative of "lazy." Plus, I feel so connected to nature. Win win.
Anna, I started mapping my energy and focus to my cycles last year and noticed the same thing, but your phrasing of 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off or kinda-off is a really helpful way for me to frame it. Thank you!
I’m so happy to hear that! Here’s a piece i wrote about it: https://annaseirian.substack.com/p/your-menstrual-cycle-is-making-your?r=pbltr
Have definitely seen this rhythm for myself. I call this “sprint mode” and “blob mode” so basically the same concept. lol.
The remaining issue I haven’t hacked is how to create a baseline for potato/blob days that allow me to continue to move things forward and function well enough when work and life demand it.
I am also curious if you or any of the community here have thoughts on how to know when these days are coming. Part of it is hormone cycles (mid cycle is definitely fire/sprint mode) so I can plan on this. Or I run on adrenaline from when my work requires me to host an event, especially the bigger ones, and I know potato days follow and I plan for that. It’s the rest of the time I can’t figure out. I just don’t want to commit to fire mode activities if I am gonna wake up in potato mode and need to rest but I really can’t.
Oh man, I have so much to say about finding your baseline for potato days! I'm actually planning to write a post about that soon. <3
I am eager to talk more about this. I think especially in Midlife, we really want to make our natural processes work for us because we understand them better. Appreciate you sharing the wisdom.
Oh please do!! As an undiagnosed neurodivergent (I think!) ME and perimenopause sufferer this article is me!! I am just starting to realise I need potato days and need to accept them!
That's the question I'm working on for myself these days : can't see/feel my "orange zone", it's like green until...... It's dark red and I have to cancel or reschedule all my appointements / engagements (and this is hard, cause keeping my engagement is a strong value for me). Not sure if I "should" plan patatoe/rest time or if I just "have to" learn to go with the flow and improvise (which can be tough with some ASD aspect of my brain who craves for structure and routine and the other (dominant) part which is just like "f* it all, yeehaaa !!" ;)) Thanks for this post, and thanks you for your comment !! 🙏
Lol I love this because it's exactly what I've been learning for myself but I didn't have a good word for it.... POTATO DAYS!!! 🥳
FWIW, I would actually encourage POTATO HOUR for anyone who needs it as well. As someone living w severe long term autistic burnout, most of my days are actually potato days.... but I do have to feed myself, so I can't go full potato every single day. So make potato time whenever it works best for you!! Be the potato you want to see in the world! 😍😘
I can't express how absolutely greatful I am to have found your substack I was diagnosed in my early 20s I felt so broken I began seeking help & found it at the free clinic was diagnosed with anxiety & depression & given medicationwith little relief down the road a few yrs later a different doctor had diagnosed ADHD but (that was over 30 years ago. Im sure I have had it all my life long before ADHD became an identifiable diagnosable thing. Living undiagnosed resulted in much of my life being criticized & labeled as bad or abnormal as I was criticized for many things, that even now I am still learning are characteristics of those with ADHD; walking too fast, staying up too late, sleeping too much,sleeping too late, always rushing last minute, being late, being clumsy not paying attention, talking to loud, too much,mood swings, too sensitive I was labeled a bad student,unfocused, lazy, a procrastinator, & CONSTANTLY called out for not finishing things. I still in my head hear my parents " why can't you..." "You need to..." " If you would only..." am an artsy type crafty, poetry, drama club but so much criticism sticks & becomes hard to hear & the when one already believes all the things she's been labeled her whole life it's hard to make your way in the world believing you are a not normal & define yourself as a loser who will never amount to anything & my best chance is to find a husband who will "put up with me" I never married have no kids, Now I'm old & have survived on unconventional flexible jobs after being a bartender for 30+ years cause I suck at a regimented scheduled. Just flailing through life.
You are a champion!
Think of the strength it took for you to keep going and live your life in spite of all the lemmings who couldn’t see past their own noses and tried to push you into their tiny little ‘how to live a proper life’-box.
You’re a rockstar and don’t let yourself believe any different!
Any tips on how one with a full time job and/or multiple young children embrace potato days without sacrificing their home and/or neglecting their kids? It’s often easier for those who own their homes and/or have a neurotypical significant other whose job can support them both, but many of us dealing with adhd/audhd burnout are living hand to mouth as it is and can’t afford to quit their jobs even though their mental health is being impacted by the stress of working 5 days a week. The fear of being homeless / having your children taken away is worse, and permeates into relaxation time if one who can already barely make rent takes a day off. Many of us go to work sick because we’re afraid of being evicted if our pay check is short. Not to mention that not too many bosses are cool with folx not coming in to work “because they needed a potato day”. What are some solutions that struggling folx from every social class can access?
This was my thinking, if thinking is the right word. Caring role, running a family, having to work out income. Every day. My diagnosis is fairly recent but it's the intense severe shaking falling over burnout that made the ADHD suddenly obvious. What I've found at the moment - micronaps of possible. Even just sitting down. Audiobooks while doing other stuff, but even more so just relaxing background music which changes when it gets a bit irritating. It's okay to bounce around with them. Currently I use the Ambience app (free, I'm pretty sure) - the metro and espresso range are great for having a bit of energy (when meds kick in). Slow work - that is, tired but have to keep going: the current go to is 1920s Jazz cafe background (YouTube), slow jazz, tinkling piano. Just on low volume. Works amazingly well. Stepping outside, so nature of any kind can offer you something. During the day showers have been my current experiment which seem to help energy and focus
Cool showers are good. And for sleeping better my wife found ambient SFX on you tube, such as riverboat crossing, in a train sleeper cabin, crickets... Again, try different ones and get to know them. Your mood and cells will tell if one is right or not. Oh, and lying flat on your back. This, apparently, signals to your body that there are no threats. My body almost audible sighs and sinks. Which is amazing, works irrespective of your brain, because it's more basic. It's what I've found, anyway. Sorry for your stress piles and stress walls especially the finance - that's such a cruel kicking your legs out constantly violence. My only way to earn income is through writing - but organising that has been accepting a long slow process. Seeing a vagueish precishish end goal of publishing and helping other writers, but celebrating steps and part steps that get there. E.g clearing a bit of space in a room toward having a shared workspace. Working on rhythms and habits for a clean kitchen. Oversharing? Don't know, but I know how lonely that stress is.
4:20 am. Couldn't sleep but tired. Feeling much better for reading this article and writing this.
So, this one: creativity is a source of energy pat excellence, and worth working at even in small bits. And accepting that small wins are actually huge ones when your're exhausted.
Peter, I’m newly diagnosed in what you’ve shared here is so helpful. Really appreciate you expressing it all.
Wow, that's amazing Ailia. I'm so glad. The dof g just sighed at my feet, the traffic on the distant hwy(1:47am), I'm trying to get to bed earlier, that is, start another new routine, be auaw it's not just me it's the home family ecosystem I'm trying to lift up here, and you've just perked me in that way that you know is meaningful even though you're tired. So, Shazam. Respectful nod to you.
Hi JB. Not sure if these ideas will help you, but wanted to put them forward in hopes that they might. As a single mom, when my daughter was little, we had some play routines that she loved which really were about giving myself a chance to rest. For one, we would play "boat" where she'd pack a bag with toys, a snack, book, etc. She'd climb into my bigger bed, or the sofa, the "boat." I'd bring the broom which was her "oar." She'd row with the broom and tell stories about where we were going to her dolls. I rested. The other time she still has fond memories of was when I taught her to blow bubble gum. In reality I was sick on the sofa with walking pneumonia, and teaching her bubble gum kept her happily occupied for a couple hours each day. Hope you are able to find some potato day routines.
I LOVE this because this makes so much sense. For me; I tend to focus on my cycle and the Moon to get an idea of what I can expect from myself emotionally. For example; I know that if I'm in my follicular phase - I'm bound to have a lot more energy than when I am in my late luteal phase. I also find that my adhd is worse during my luteal phase so I make sure to (1) take more of my medicine (according to my doctor), rest more, and (2) allow myself to take it easy without judging myself.
So I love this. "Chaotic discipline". I'm here for it. <3
Embracing the chaos has been an important part of living with ADHD. Trying to fit in regular schedules is like hell.
Do you have a “potato day routine”? Also, love the cover art for the article 🙊🥔
I totally agree (PhD in psychology and brain with ADHD here)! I call it “intuitive scheduling.”
I love this- though I’m still working on accepting it in my day-to-day. Pre-ADHD-diagnosis me (read: pre-covid lockdowns, actively in an intense graduate degree program, heavily masking and didn’t know it, ran on anxiety alone but thought it was normal) didn’t feel like she struggled with discipline in the traditional sense. It’s been hard to reconcile that with present me, who now understands how so much of what I used to think was discipline was actually intense anxiety and a schedule that imposed an extreme amount of external structure.
While I recognize the ebbs and flows to my productivity now, I still find myself frustrated on potato days. I feel like I should be more productive, and because my brain remembers that version of me who didn’t (knowingly) struggle with productivity, I feel like I should be trying to get back to that version of myself even though I know it wouldn’t be healthy and isn’t possible. “Should” is doing a lot of heavy lifting in the previous sentence, but I suppose it feels like even though there were a lot of drawbacks to how things used to be for me, I can’t help but admire that past version of myself and be a bit jealous that when she said she was going to do something, she did it and didn’t fight so hard with the aspect of discipline.
It takes time to rewrite the shoulds. Just keep pushing back against it with all the reasons why they’re bad for you. They’ll back off over time. If it helps, remember that rest that allows you to do more in the long run is productive in its own way. Also, productivity doesn’t determine your worth, despite what our capitalist society says. You have just as much worth in potato mode as you do in fire mode.
You are so real. The world needs real.
This is what I'm trying to work on! I call it ebb and flow, but exactly the same. I need to save this for when the next 🥔days arrive, which they will. Thank you, Kelly
This is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you!
I just feel like a failure yesterday, and this is what I need to hear right now, thank you for sharing this!
Totally agree with this. There are days when I have to lay on the sofa with a duvet watching Gilmore Girls. The only problem is, I also have a neurodivergent 9-year-old which means I can't always have a potato day 😞