I started feeling better once I realized that my ADHD requires chaotic discipline not regular discipline, meaning some days I’ll be on fire and some days I need to be a potato, and being a potato some days helps me be on fire other days.
I've noticed this especially with my menstrual cycles. Accepting and embracing that I will two good weeks and two probably-not-so-good weeks has really shifted things for me.
I agree wholeheartedly since I’ve lived 72 years experiencing menstrual migraines childhood physical mental illnesses until at the age of 29 finally was ready to realize childhood trauma and started doing the work of personal healing ❤️🩹 resulting in my body breaking down I was blessed with live saving surgeries before anything ever happened. I know that if back in my early days of 1950 could of been diagnosed on the spectrum but for me not being labeled at that time made me who I’m today
This is a very personal experience because I’m currently managing both ADHD and chronic illness, but I’ve also found that giving myself breaks on fire days (active rest like a walk, a snack, or a shower) helps me not potato as hard. In case it helps someone!
Have definitely seen this rhythm for myself. I call this “sprint mode” and “blob mode” so basically the same concept. lol.
The remaining issue I haven’t hacked is how to create a baseline for potato/blob days that allow me to continue to move things forward and function well enough when work and life demand it.
I am also curious if you or any of the community here have thoughts on how to know when these days are coming. Part of it is hormone cycles (mid cycle is definitely fire/sprint mode) so I can plan on this. Or I run on adrenaline from when my work requires me to host an event, especially the bigger ones, and I know potato days follow and I plan for that. It’s the rest of the time I can’t figure out. I just don’t want to commit to fire mode activities if I am gonna wake up in potato mode and need to rest but I really can’t.
I am eager to talk more about this. I think especially in Midlife, we really want to make our natural processes work for us because we understand them better. Appreciate you sharing the wisdom.
That's the question I'm working on for myself these days : can't see/feel my "orange zone", it's like green until...... It's dark red and I have to cancel or reschedule all my appointements / engagements (and this is hard, cause keeping my engagement is a strong value for me). Not sure if I "should" plan patatoe/rest time or if I just "have to" learn to go with the flow and improvise (which can be tough with some ASD aspect of my brain who craves for structure and routine and the other (dominant) part which is just like "f* it all, yeehaaa !!" ;)) Thanks for this post, and thanks you for your comment !! 🙏
Lol I love this because it's exactly what I've been learning for myself but I didn't have a good word for it.... POTATO DAYS!!! 🥳
FWIW, I would actually encourage POTATO HOUR for anyone who needs it as well. As someone living w severe long term autistic burnout, most of my days are actually potato days.... but I do have to feed myself, so I can't go full potato every single day. So make potato time whenever it works best for you!! Be the potato you want to see in the world! 😍😘
I LOVE this because this makes so much sense. For me; I tend to focus on my cycle and the Moon to get an idea of what I can expect from myself emotionally. For example; I know that if I'm in my follicular phase - I'm bound to have a lot more energy than when I am in my late luteal phase. I also find that my adhd is worse during my luteal phase so I make sure to (1) take more of my medicine (according to my doctor), rest more, and (2) allow myself to take it easy without judging myself.
So I love this. "Chaotic discipline". I'm here for it. <3
I can't express how absolutely greatful I am to have found your substack I was diagnosed in my early 20s I felt so broken I began seeking help & found it at the free clinic was diagnosed with anxiety & depression & given medicationwith little relief down the road a few yrs later a different doctor had diagnosed ADHD but (that was over 30 years ago. Im sure I have had it all my life long before ADHD became an identifiable diagnosable thing. Living undiagnosed resulted in much of my life being criticized & labeled as bad or abnormal as I was criticized for many things, that even now I am still learning are characteristics of those with ADHD; walking too fast, staying up too late, sleeping too much,sleeping too late, always rushing last minute, being late, being clumsy not paying attention, talking to loud, too much,mood swings, too sensitive I was labeled a bad student,unfocused, lazy, a procrastinator, & CONSTANTLY called out for not finishing things. I still in my head hear my parents " why can't you..." "You need to..." " If you would only..." am an artsy type crafty, poetry, drama club but so much criticism sticks & becomes hard to hear & the when one already believes all the things she's been labeled her whole life it's hard to make your way in the world believing you are a not normal & define yourself as a loser who will never amount to anything & my best chance is to find a husband who will "put up with me" I never married have no kids, Now I'm old & have survived on unconventional flexible jobs after being a bartender for 30+ years cause I suck at a regimented scheduled. Just flailing through life.
Think of the strength it took for you to keep going and live your life in spite of all the lemmings who couldn’t see past their own noses and tried to push you into their tiny little ‘how to live a proper life’-box.
You’re a rockstar and don’t let yourself believe any different!
Any tips on how one with a full time job and/or multiple young children embrace potato days without sacrificing their home and/or neglecting their kids? It’s often easier for those who own their homes and/or have a neurotypical significant other whose job can support them both, but many of us dealing with adhd/audhd burnout are living hand to mouth as it is and can’t afford to quit their jobs even though their mental health is being impacted by the stress of working 5 days a week. The fear of being homeless / having your children taken away is worse, and permeates into relaxation time if one who can already barely make rent takes a day off. Many of us go to work sick because we’re afraid of being evicted if our pay check is short. Not to mention that not too many bosses are cool with folx not coming in to work “because they needed a potato day”. What are some solutions that struggling folx from every social class can access?
This is what I'm trying to work on! I call it ebb and flow, but exactly the same. I need to save this for when the next 🥔days arrive, which they will. Thank you, Kelly
Totally agree with this. There are days when I have to lay on the sofa with a duvet watching Gilmore Girls. The only problem is, I also have a neurodivergent 9-year-old which means I can't always have a potato day 😞
I love this- though I’m still working on accepting it in my day-to-day. Pre-ADHD-diagnosis me (read: pre-covid lockdowns, actively in an intense graduate degree program, heavily masking and didn’t know it, ran on anxiety alone but thought it was normal) didn’t feel like she struggled with discipline in the traditional sense. It’s been hard to reconcile that with present me, who now understands how so much of what I used to think was discipline was actually intense anxiety and a schedule that imposed an extreme amount of external structure.
While I recognize the ebbs and flows to my productivity now, I still find myself frustrated on potato days. I feel like I should be more productive, and because my brain remembers that version of me who didn’t (knowingly) struggle with productivity, I feel like I should be trying to get back to that version of myself even though I know it wouldn’t be healthy and isn’t possible. “Should” is doing a lot of heavy lifting in the previous sentence, but I suppose it feels like even though there were a lot of drawbacks to how things used to be for me, I can’t help but admire that past version of myself and be a bit jealous that when she said she was going to do something, she did it and didn’t fight so hard with the aspect of discipline.
I've noticed this especially with my menstrual cycles. Accepting and embracing that I will two good weeks and two probably-not-so-good weeks has really shifted things for me.
I agree wholeheartedly since I’ve lived 72 years experiencing menstrual migraines childhood physical mental illnesses until at the age of 29 finally was ready to realize childhood trauma and started doing the work of personal healing ❤️🩹 resulting in my body breaking down I was blessed with live saving surgeries before anything ever happened. I know that if back in my early days of 1950 could of been diagnosed on the spectrum but for me not being labeled at that time made me who I’m today
This is a very personal experience because I’m currently managing both ADHD and chronic illness, but I’ve also found that giving myself breaks on fire days (active rest like a walk, a snack, or a shower) helps me not potato as hard. In case it helps someone!
Absolutely!! Breaks on fire days are so important <3
Fellow chronic illness adhd -er here too!
Have definitely seen this rhythm for myself. I call this “sprint mode” and “blob mode” so basically the same concept. lol.
The remaining issue I haven’t hacked is how to create a baseline for potato/blob days that allow me to continue to move things forward and function well enough when work and life demand it.
I am also curious if you or any of the community here have thoughts on how to know when these days are coming. Part of it is hormone cycles (mid cycle is definitely fire/sprint mode) so I can plan on this. Or I run on adrenaline from when my work requires me to host an event, especially the bigger ones, and I know potato days follow and I plan for that. It’s the rest of the time I can’t figure out. I just don’t want to commit to fire mode activities if I am gonna wake up in potato mode and need to rest but I really can’t.
Oh man, I have so much to say about finding your baseline for potato days! I'm actually planning to write a post about that soon. <3
I am eager to talk more about this. I think especially in Midlife, we really want to make our natural processes work for us because we understand them better. Appreciate you sharing the wisdom.
That's the question I'm working on for myself these days : can't see/feel my "orange zone", it's like green until...... It's dark red and I have to cancel or reschedule all my appointements / engagements (and this is hard, cause keeping my engagement is a strong value for me). Not sure if I "should" plan patatoe/rest time or if I just "have to" learn to go with the flow and improvise (which can be tough with some ASD aspect of my brain who craves for structure and routine and the other (dominant) part which is just like "f* it all, yeehaaa !!" ;)) Thanks for this post, and thanks you for your comment !! 🙏
Lol I love this because it's exactly what I've been learning for myself but I didn't have a good word for it.... POTATO DAYS!!! 🥳
FWIW, I would actually encourage POTATO HOUR for anyone who needs it as well. As someone living w severe long term autistic burnout, most of my days are actually potato days.... but I do have to feed myself, so I can't go full potato every single day. So make potato time whenever it works best for you!! Be the potato you want to see in the world! 😍😘
I LOVE this because this makes so much sense. For me; I tend to focus on my cycle and the Moon to get an idea of what I can expect from myself emotionally. For example; I know that if I'm in my follicular phase - I'm bound to have a lot more energy than when I am in my late luteal phase. I also find that my adhd is worse during my luteal phase so I make sure to (1) take more of my medicine (according to my doctor), rest more, and (2) allow myself to take it easy without judging myself.
So I love this. "Chaotic discipline". I'm here for it. <3
I can't express how absolutely greatful I am to have found your substack I was diagnosed in my early 20s I felt so broken I began seeking help & found it at the free clinic was diagnosed with anxiety & depression & given medicationwith little relief down the road a few yrs later a different doctor had diagnosed ADHD but (that was over 30 years ago. Im sure I have had it all my life long before ADHD became an identifiable diagnosable thing. Living undiagnosed resulted in much of my life being criticized & labeled as bad or abnormal as I was criticized for many things, that even now I am still learning are characteristics of those with ADHD; walking too fast, staying up too late, sleeping too much,sleeping too late, always rushing last minute, being late, being clumsy not paying attention, talking to loud, too much,mood swings, too sensitive I was labeled a bad student,unfocused, lazy, a procrastinator, & CONSTANTLY called out for not finishing things. I still in my head hear my parents " why can't you..." "You need to..." " If you would only..." am an artsy type crafty, poetry, drama club but so much criticism sticks & becomes hard to hear & the when one already believes all the things she's been labeled her whole life it's hard to make your way in the world believing you are a not normal & define yourself as a loser who will never amount to anything & my best chance is to find a husband who will "put up with me" I never married have no kids, Now I'm old & have survived on unconventional flexible jobs after being a bartender for 30+ years cause I suck at a regimented scheduled. Just flailing through life.
You are a champion!
Think of the strength it took for you to keep going and live your life in spite of all the lemmings who couldn’t see past their own noses and tried to push you into their tiny little ‘how to live a proper life’-box.
You’re a rockstar and don’t let yourself believe any different!
Do you have a “potato day routine”? Also, love the cover art for the article 🙊🥔
Embracing the chaos has been an important part of living with ADHD. Trying to fit in regular schedules is like hell.
Any tips on how one with a full time job and/or multiple young children embrace potato days without sacrificing their home and/or neglecting their kids? It’s often easier for those who own their homes and/or have a neurotypical significant other whose job can support them both, but many of us dealing with adhd/audhd burnout are living hand to mouth as it is and can’t afford to quit their jobs even though their mental health is being impacted by the stress of working 5 days a week. The fear of being homeless / having your children taken away is worse, and permeates into relaxation time if one who can already barely make rent takes a day off. Many of us go to work sick because we’re afraid of being evicted if our pay check is short. Not to mention that not too many bosses are cool with folx not coming in to work “because they needed a potato day”. What are some solutions that struggling folx from every social class can access?
I totally agree (PhD in psychology and brain with ADHD here)! I call it “intuitive scheduling.”
You are so real. The world needs real.
This is what I'm trying to work on! I call it ebb and flow, but exactly the same. I need to save this for when the next 🥔days arrive, which they will. Thank you, Kelly
This is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you!
Totally agree with this. There are days when I have to lay on the sofa with a duvet watching Gilmore Girls. The only problem is, I also have a neurodivergent 9-year-old which means I can't always have a potato day 😞
I love this- though I’m still working on accepting it in my day-to-day. Pre-ADHD-diagnosis me (read: pre-covid lockdowns, actively in an intense graduate degree program, heavily masking and didn’t know it, ran on anxiety alone but thought it was normal) didn’t feel like she struggled with discipline in the traditional sense. It’s been hard to reconcile that with present me, who now understands how so much of what I used to think was discipline was actually intense anxiety and a schedule that imposed an extreme amount of external structure.
While I recognize the ebbs and flows to my productivity now, I still find myself frustrated on potato days. I feel like I should be more productive, and because my brain remembers that version of me who didn’t (knowingly) struggle with productivity, I feel like I should be trying to get back to that version of myself even though I know it wouldn’t be healthy and isn’t possible. “Should” is doing a lot of heavy lifting in the previous sentence, but I suppose it feels like even though there were a lot of drawbacks to how things used to be for me, I can’t help but admire that past version of myself and be a bit jealous that when she said she was going to do something, she did it and didn’t fight so hard with the aspect of discipline.
I just feel like a failure yesterday, and this is what I need to hear right now, thank you for sharing this!