I started feeling better once I realized that my ADHD requires chaotic discipline not regular discipline, meaning some days I’ll be on fire and some days I need to be a potato, and being a potato some days helps me be on fire other days.
This is a very personal experience because I’m currently managing both ADHD and chronic illness, but I’ve also found that giving myself breaks on fire days (active rest like a walk, a snack, or a shower) helps me not potato as hard. In case it helps someone!
How do you balance that with commitments to eg a sports team? When you know you only have enough juice to get your other work done and if you use it all up in practice you won’t have any left for that work? Hard not to feel guilty about letting the team down on those potato days. How to strike a balance?
Personally I would have a conversation with the team about my limits and current capacity - is there someone who could sub in on those days, for example. It can be a tough pill to swallow for many of us, but we’re built different - and that’s okay!
At this stage of my chronic illness recovery, if I’m doing something out of guilt and not excitement (or financial need), I don’t do it.
I also have ADHD and several (often debilitating) chronic illnesses. I stay away from doom scrolling. I enjoy reading Substack as a means to learn and grow and found mindful meditation helps me a great deal.
Thank you for sharing — I can relate and it totally helps. In the last week I am started to take more showers ending with ice cold water on my head and feet. Wow. After the initial SHOCK 🥶, once I am wrapped up in a towel, I feel alive vs blah 😑.
Same here re: ADHD and chronic illness (I actually got my diagnoses from different docs within 24 hours of each other 🫠). Even on fire days breaks are important because we can get so consumed by the fire that we don’t see the wall we’re about to hit. I also own my own business so that is a double edge sword when it comes to managing my time and executive functioning.
Everyone is different, but I find taking time off screens is as helpful as pacing my movement…easier said than done, but the most important realization for me. I’ve also used timers for activity, and I have the Visible wearable 🫶
thank you so much for the advice! im starting to come to the realisation that screens are maybe a bigger problem than i thought. its just not something i want to acknowledge bc my whole life is in these lil pixel boxes ;-; i feel like social media overstimulates and drains me, but i also love bouncing ideas off of other people and don't have many real life friends to do that with! i will look into using timers and the Visible wearable, thank you !! <3
It’s such a catch 22, right? Internet friends can be the only ones who understand our experience! I try to limit it when I start using scrolling to dissociate, because I wind up feeling worse. But there is a lot of good that comes from it too, as you said! x
Thats so true! I think I am starting to notice a lot more when its time to put the phone down, when its draining me rather than filling my cup. Its a work in progress haha!
Hi Dais, as a fellow ADHD’er juggling silent, chronic illnesses, I am finally became so frustrated with the different specialists and medical teams who treat me like a case with no name, that I decided to work on myself from the inside out a little over two years ago. I’m still on this eye-opening journey — No I have not cured my illnesses, but I’ve gained an enormous amount of self compassion, deeper sense of self respect, agency and occasional equanimity from a willingness to try what appeared to me anyway as reasonable approaches to look into. Quite a few professional and nonprofessional educators on Subtack have helped me more than I ever could have imagined. By learning and practicing new skills, connecting with new people and reading stories from folks around the world (no matter different our lives might be) I’m noticing that I am feeling calmer, less anxious, a heightened sense of belonging and being more present (acutely aware) of everything around me. With a cautious approach I have been able to experience a lot of genuine aha moments here on Substack just by following my instincts and staying open-minded. I love the saying “take what you like and leave the rest”; and that’s exactly how I have been learning so much about myself and all human beings on some level because we are all perfectly imperfect. We all have more in common than meets the eye or what society might think.
I continue to find so much inspiration from professional (and nonprofessional) creators, teachers and writers here on Substack along with a few wonderful ADHD podcasts hosted by incredibly talented and passionate people with ADHD. Most of them are on YouTube.
Ever since I began this two year+ personal journey of mine at my ripe age, I am in awe of how much of my brain fog is lifting and how my personal priorities have shifted including my (professional —lol) people pleasing skills, prioritizing my personal health and needs first so that I can take care of those I love with my reserved energy vs from trying to find energy from an empty well, having more patience and compassion both for myself and for everyone close to me who try hard to understand and support me even though they respectfully can’t understand what half my illnesses are nor how they affect my mind, body and soul. As you,Liz and many others know, it is frustrating and painful every time I have to decline a tempting invitation no matter how short or lowkey the time together would be.
I can honestly share with you that I believe a lot of my personal growth and inner peace these past couple of years are due to my personal commitment to learning and practicing new skills by professionals in fields I like or became interested in as well as individuals who are here to share their personal experiences with us. A few of my go to favorites (although there are many) include @jeffwarren (including his “Home Base With Jeff “Do Nothing Project” (!) which can be found in a link on his Substack home page in upper left corner), @kellybanks, @yogafortiredpeople @danharris @wordsoftaoism …and sooo many others… I also follow a few great ADHD podcasts hosted by ADHDers!
If you have any favorites and care to share them, I always welcome suggestions!
Lastly, thanks to Lisa, @mylongpause I will also look into the Visible wearable. I am not familiar with it, but always keen on finding something new to look into!
I've noticed this especially with my menstrual cycles. Accepting and embracing that I will two good weeks and two probably-not-so-good weeks has really shifted things for me.
Anna, I started mapping my energy and focus to my cycles last year and noticed the same thing, but your phrasing of 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off or kinda-off is a really helpful way for me to frame it. Thank you!
Same! Even more fascinating is how aligned I have found myself to be with the moon. Energy levels and cycles. It has been life changing for me. It definitely still requires acceptance of the days I can't do anything. Somehow knowing there are reasons beyond my control helps, and I can release the shame and narrative of "lazy." Plus, I feel so connected to nature. Win win.
For me, that expanded into 3 bad weeks, one good. The three bad weeks were Mittelschmerz(ovulation), PMS week and my actual period. I turned it around with vitamins first and then endometriosis surgery and a monthly shot for six months that put me into a temporary menopause.
The shots were miserable and brought on depression, but the surgery is minimal, outpatient and pretty easy and I think treatments have improved since the nineties. Please seek help from your gyno and don't suffer for years! I lost so much of my life not getting help!
Also, be aware that menopause will make your ADHD worse. Look into the symptoms of it so you can recognize them and make informed choices about hormones.
Have definitely seen this rhythm for myself. I call this “sprint mode” and “blob mode” so basically the same concept. lol.
The remaining issue I haven’t hacked is how to create a baseline for potato/blob days that allow me to continue to move things forward and function well enough when work and life demand it.
I am also curious if you or any of the community here have thoughts on how to know when these days are coming. Part of it is hormone cycles (mid cycle is definitely fire/sprint mode) so I can plan on this. Or I run on adrenaline from when my work requires me to host an event, especially the bigger ones, and I know potato days follow and I plan for that. It’s the rest of the time I can’t figure out. I just don’t want to commit to fire mode activities if I am gonna wake up in potato mode and need to rest but I really can’t.
I am eager to talk more about this. I think especially in Midlife, we really want to make our natural processes work for us because we understand them better. Appreciate you sharing the wisdom.
Oh please do!! As an undiagnosed neurodivergent (I think!) ME and perimenopause sufferer this article is me!! I am just starting to realise I need potato days and need to accept them!
That's the question I'm working on for myself these days : can't see/feel my "orange zone", it's like green until...... It's dark red and I have to cancel or reschedule all my appointements / engagements (and this is hard, cause keeping my engagement is a strong value for me). Not sure if I "should" plan patatoe/rest time or if I just "have to" learn to go with the flow and improvise (which can be tough with some ASD aspect of my brain who craves for structure and routine and the other (dominant) part which is just like "f* it all, yeehaaa !!" ;)) Thanks for this post, and thanks you for your comment !! 🙏
"F* it all, yeehaaa !!" cracked me up because that's the feeling. That is, until "Who am I and what am I doing?" kicks in, and then, as Kelly says, "Why am I even doing anything?" Fortunately for my jobs, etc., there's still a decent amount of "This is cool, I'm killing it!" mixed in. Ay ay ay, what a confusing cycle.
Lol I love this because it's exactly what I've been learning for myself but I didn't have a good word for it.... POTATO DAYS!!! 🥳
FWIW, I would actually encourage POTATO HOUR for anyone who needs it as well. As someone living w severe long term autistic burnout, most of my days are actually potato days.... but I do have to feed myself, so I can't go full potato every single day. So make potato time whenever it works best for you!! Be the potato you want to see in the world! 😍😘
I agree! While I dont have autism, I do struggle with long term burnout from other mental health issues so most of my days are potato days as well. And potato hour is a good idea too! Sometimes you just need that break to refresh yourself.
I can't express how absolutely greatful I am to have found your substack I was diagnosed in my early 20s I felt so broken I began seeking help & found it at the free clinic was diagnosed with anxiety & depression & given medicationwith little relief down the road a few yrs later a different doctor had diagnosed ADHD but (that was over 30 years ago. Im sure I have had it all my life long before ADHD became an identifiable diagnosable thing. Living undiagnosed resulted in much of my life being criticized & labeled as bad or abnormal as I was criticized for many things, that even now I am still learning are characteristics of those with ADHD; walking too fast, staying up too late, sleeping too much,sleeping too late, always rushing last minute, being late, being clumsy not paying attention, talking to loud, too much,mood swings, too sensitive I was labeled a bad student,unfocused, lazy, a procrastinator, & CONSTANTLY called out for not finishing things. I still in my head hear my parents " why can't you..." "You need to..." " If you would only..." am an artsy type crafty, poetry, drama club but so much criticism sticks & becomes hard to hear & the when one already believes all the things she's been labeled her whole life it's hard to make your way in the world believing you are a not normal & define yourself as a loser who will never amount to anything & my best chance is to find a husband who will "put up with me" I never married have no kids, Now I'm old & have survived on unconventional flexible jobs after being a bartender for 30+ years cause I suck at a regimented scheduled. Just flailing through life.
Think of the strength it took for you to keep going and live your life in spite of all the lemmings who couldn’t see past their own noses and tried to push you into their tiny little ‘how to live a proper life’-box.
You’re a rockstar and don’t let yourself believe any different!
Any tips on how one with a full time job and/or multiple young children embrace potato days without sacrificing their home and/or neglecting their kids? It’s often easier for those who own their homes and/or have a neurotypical significant other whose job can support them both, but many of us dealing with adhd/audhd burnout are living hand to mouth as it is and can’t afford to quit their jobs even though their mental health is being impacted by the stress of working 5 days a week. The fear of being homeless / having your children taken away is worse, and permeates into relaxation time if one who can already barely make rent takes a day off. Many of us go to work sick because we’re afraid of being evicted if our pay check is short. Not to mention that not too many bosses are cool with folx not coming in to work “because they needed a potato day”. What are some solutions that struggling folx from every social class can access?
This was my thinking, if thinking is the right word. Caring role, running a family, having to work out income. Every day. My diagnosis is fairly recent but it's the intense severe shaking falling over burnout that made the ADHD suddenly obvious. What I've found at the moment - micronaps of possible. Even just sitting down. Audiobooks while doing other stuff, but even more so just relaxing background music which changes when it gets a bit irritating. It's okay to bounce around with them. Currently I use the Ambience app (free, I'm pretty sure) - the metro and espresso range are great for having a bit of energy (when meds kick in). Slow work - that is, tired but have to keep going: the current go to is 1920s Jazz cafe background (YouTube), slow jazz, tinkling piano. Just on low volume. Works amazingly well. Stepping outside, so nature of any kind can offer you something. During the day showers have been my current experiment which seem to help energy and focus
Cool showers are good. And for sleeping better my wife found ambient SFX on you tube, such as riverboat crossing, in a train sleeper cabin, crickets... Again, try different ones and get to know them. Your mood and cells will tell if one is right or not. Oh, and lying flat on your back. This, apparently, signals to your body that there are no threats. My body almost audible sighs and sinks. Which is amazing, works irrespective of your brain, because it's more basic. It's what I've found, anyway. Sorry for your stress piles and stress walls especially the finance - that's such a cruel kicking your legs out constantly violence. My only way to earn income is through writing - but organising that has been accepting a long slow process. Seeing a vagueish precishish end goal of publishing and helping other writers, but celebrating steps and part steps that get there. E.g clearing a bit of space in a room toward having a shared workspace. Working on rhythms and habits for a clean kitchen. Oversharing? Don't know, but I know how lonely that stress is.
4:20 am. Couldn't sleep but tired. Feeling much better for reading this article and writing this.
So, this one: creativity is a source of energy pat excellence, and worth working at even in small bits. And accepting that small wins are actually huge ones when your're exhausted.
I like the idea of using audio books and light music to use throughout the day! And laying on your back seems really helpful too. As someone who struggles with silence which can impact how my day goes this is something I haven't tried! Thanks for sharing!
Wow, that's amazing Ailia. I'm so glad. The dof g just sighed at my feet, the traffic on the distant hwy(1:47am), I'm trying to get to bed earlier, that is, start another new routine, be auaw it's not just me it's the home family ecosystem I'm trying to lift up here, and you've just perked me in that way that you know is meaningful even though you're tired. So, Shazam. Respectful nod to you.
Hi JB. Not sure if these ideas will help you, but wanted to put them forward in hopes that they might. As a single mom, when my daughter was little, we had some play routines that she loved which really were about giving myself a chance to rest. For one, we would play "boat" where she'd pack a bag with toys, a snack, book, etc. She'd climb into my bigger bed, or the sofa, the "boat." I'd bring the broom which was her "oar." She'd row with the broom and tell stories about where we were going to her dolls. I rested. The other time she still has fond memories of was when I taught her to blow bubble gum. In reality I was sick on the sofa with walking pneumonia, and teaching her bubble gum kept her happily occupied for a couple hours each day. Hope you are able to find some potato day routines.
I love this- though I’m still working on accepting it in my day-to-day. Pre-ADHD-diagnosis me (read: pre-covid lockdowns, actively in an intense graduate degree program, heavily masking and didn’t know it, ran on anxiety alone but thought it was normal) didn’t feel like she struggled with discipline in the traditional sense. It’s been hard to reconcile that with present me, who now understands how so much of what I used to think was discipline was actually intense anxiety and a schedule that imposed an extreme amount of external structure.
While I recognize the ebbs and flows to my productivity now, I still find myself frustrated on potato days. I feel like I should be more productive, and because my brain remembers that version of me who didn’t (knowingly) struggle with productivity, I feel like I should be trying to get back to that version of myself even though I know it wouldn’t be healthy and isn’t possible. “Should” is doing a lot of heavy lifting in the previous sentence, but I suppose it feels like even though there were a lot of drawbacks to how things used to be for me, I can’t help but admire that past version of myself and be a bit jealous that when she said she was going to do something, she did it and didn’t fight so hard with the aspect of discipline.
It takes time to rewrite the shoulds. Just keep pushing back against it with all the reasons why they’re bad for you. They’ll back off over time. If it helps, remember that rest that allows you to do more in the long run is productive in its own way. Also, productivity doesn’t determine your worth, despite what our capitalist society says. You have just as much worth in potato mode as you do in fire mode.
I LOVE this because this makes so much sense. For me; I tend to focus on my cycle and the Moon to get an idea of what I can expect from myself emotionally. For example; I know that if I'm in my follicular phase - I'm bound to have a lot more energy than when I am in my late luteal phase. I also find that my adhd is worse during my luteal phase so I make sure to (1) take more of my medicine (according to my doctor), rest more, and (2) allow myself to take it easy without judging myself.
So I love this. "Chaotic discipline". I'm here for it. <3
This is what I'm trying to work on! I call it ebb and flow, but exactly the same. I need to save this for when the next 🥔days arrive, which they will. Thank you, Kelly
Totally agree with this. There are days when I have to lay on the sofa with a duvet watching Gilmore Girls. The only problem is, I also have a neurodivergent 9-year-old which means I can't always have a potato day 😞
Thank you so much, feeling a bit emotional, but I definitely know I'm in the right place, right App, right group, right Truth... Where I can continue to grow and love myself even more 🦋🙏🙏🙏
This is a very personal experience because I’m currently managing both ADHD and chronic illness, but I’ve also found that giving myself breaks on fire days (active rest like a walk, a snack, or a shower) helps me not potato as hard. In case it helps someone!
Absolutely!! Breaks on fire days are so important <3
Fellow chronic illness adhd -er here too!
It’s like you never know where symptoms are coming from.
Me too, the ADHD brain likes a mix of activity, even if it's *all* active.
Like the way you put that!
How do you balance that with commitments to eg a sports team? When you know you only have enough juice to get your other work done and if you use it all up in practice you won’t have any left for that work? Hard not to feel guilty about letting the team down on those potato days. How to strike a balance?
Personally I would have a conversation with the team about my limits and current capacity - is there someone who could sub in on those days, for example. It can be a tough pill to swallow for many of us, but we’re built different - and that’s okay!
At this stage of my chronic illness recovery, if I’m doing something out of guilt and not excitement (or financial need), I don’t do it.
I also have ADHD and several (often debilitating) chronic illnesses. I stay away from doom scrolling. I enjoy reading Substack as a means to learn and grow and found mindful meditation helps me a great deal.
Thank you for sharing — I can relate and it totally helps. In the last week I am started to take more showers ending with ice cold water on my head and feet. Wow. After the initial SHOCK 🥶, once I am wrapped up in a towel, I feel alive vs blah 😑.
Same here re: ADHD and chronic illness (I actually got my diagnoses from different docs within 24 hours of each other 🫠). Even on fire days breaks are important because we can get so consumed by the fire that we don’t see the wall we’re about to hit. I also own my own business so that is a double edge sword when it comes to managing my time and executive functioning.
Love the idea of an active rest! I think you’ve put into words something I’ve been thinking about a lot recently!
late to this conversation, but i have adhd and me/cfs too, its so hard to find that balance. if anyone has tips i could really use them <3
Everyone is different, but I find taking time off screens is as helpful as pacing my movement…easier said than done, but the most important realization for me. I’ve also used timers for activity, and I have the Visible wearable 🫶
thank you so much for the advice! im starting to come to the realisation that screens are maybe a bigger problem than i thought. its just not something i want to acknowledge bc my whole life is in these lil pixel boxes ;-; i feel like social media overstimulates and drains me, but i also love bouncing ideas off of other people and don't have many real life friends to do that with! i will look into using timers and the Visible wearable, thank you !! <3
It’s such a catch 22, right? Internet friends can be the only ones who understand our experience! I try to limit it when I start using scrolling to dissociate, because I wind up feeling worse. But there is a lot of good that comes from it too, as you said! x
Thats so true! I think I am starting to notice a lot more when its time to put the phone down, when its draining me rather than filling my cup. Its a work in progress haha!
Hi Dais, as a fellow ADHD’er juggling silent, chronic illnesses, I am finally became so frustrated with the different specialists and medical teams who treat me like a case with no name, that I decided to work on myself from the inside out a little over two years ago. I’m still on this eye-opening journey — No I have not cured my illnesses, but I’ve gained an enormous amount of self compassion, deeper sense of self respect, agency and occasional equanimity from a willingness to try what appeared to me anyway as reasonable approaches to look into. Quite a few professional and nonprofessional educators on Subtack have helped me more than I ever could have imagined. By learning and practicing new skills, connecting with new people and reading stories from folks around the world (no matter different our lives might be) I’m noticing that I am feeling calmer, less anxious, a heightened sense of belonging and being more present (acutely aware) of everything around me. With a cautious approach I have been able to experience a lot of genuine aha moments here on Substack just by following my instincts and staying open-minded. I love the saying “take what you like and leave the rest”; and that’s exactly how I have been learning so much about myself and all human beings on some level because we are all perfectly imperfect. We all have more in common than meets the eye or what society might think.
I continue to find so much inspiration from professional (and nonprofessional) creators, teachers and writers here on Substack along with a few wonderful ADHD podcasts hosted by incredibly talented and passionate people with ADHD. Most of them are on YouTube.
Ever since I began this two year+ personal journey of mine at my ripe age, I am in awe of how much of my brain fog is lifting and how my personal priorities have shifted including my (professional —lol) people pleasing skills, prioritizing my personal health and needs first so that I can take care of those I love with my reserved energy vs from trying to find energy from an empty well, having more patience and compassion both for myself and for everyone close to me who try hard to understand and support me even though they respectfully can’t understand what half my illnesses are nor how they affect my mind, body and soul. As you,Liz and many others know, it is frustrating and painful every time I have to decline a tempting invitation no matter how short or lowkey the time together would be.
I can honestly share with you that I believe a lot of my personal growth and inner peace these past couple of years are due to my personal commitment to learning and practicing new skills by professionals in fields I like or became interested in as well as individuals who are here to share their personal experiences with us. A few of my go to favorites (although there are many) include @jeffwarren (including his “Home Base With Jeff “Do Nothing Project” (!) which can be found in a link on his Substack home page in upper left corner), @kellybanks, @yogafortiredpeople @danharris @wordsoftaoism …and sooo many others… I also follow a few great ADHD podcasts hosted by ADHDers!
If you have any favorites and care to share them, I always welcome suggestions!
Lastly, thanks to Lisa, @mylongpause I will also look into the Visible wearable. I am not familiar with it, but always keen on finding something new to look into!
🌷
I've noticed this especially with my menstrual cycles. Accepting and embracing that I will two good weeks and two probably-not-so-good weeks has really shifted things for me.
Anna, I started mapping my energy and focus to my cycles last year and noticed the same thing, but your phrasing of 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off or kinda-off is a really helpful way for me to frame it. Thank you!
I’m so happy to hear that! Here’s a piece i wrote about it: https://annaseirian.substack.com/p/your-menstrual-cycle-is-making-your?r=pbltr
Same! Even more fascinating is how aligned I have found myself to be with the moon. Energy levels and cycles. It has been life changing for me. It definitely still requires acceptance of the days I can't do anything. Somehow knowing there are reasons beyond my control helps, and I can release the shame and narrative of "lazy." Plus, I feel so connected to nature. Win win.
For me, that expanded into 3 bad weeks, one good. The three bad weeks were Mittelschmerz(ovulation), PMS week and my actual period. I turned it around with vitamins first and then endometriosis surgery and a monthly shot for six months that put me into a temporary menopause.
The shots were miserable and brought on depression, but the surgery is minimal, outpatient and pretty easy and I think treatments have improved since the nineties. Please seek help from your gyno and don't suffer for years! I lost so much of my life not getting help!
Also, be aware that menopause will make your ADHD worse. Look into the symptoms of it so you can recognize them and make informed choices about hormones.
Have definitely seen this rhythm for myself. I call this “sprint mode” and “blob mode” so basically the same concept. lol.
The remaining issue I haven’t hacked is how to create a baseline for potato/blob days that allow me to continue to move things forward and function well enough when work and life demand it.
I am also curious if you or any of the community here have thoughts on how to know when these days are coming. Part of it is hormone cycles (mid cycle is definitely fire/sprint mode) so I can plan on this. Or I run on adrenaline from when my work requires me to host an event, especially the bigger ones, and I know potato days follow and I plan for that. It’s the rest of the time I can’t figure out. I just don’t want to commit to fire mode activities if I am gonna wake up in potato mode and need to rest but I really can’t.
Oh man, I have so much to say about finding your baseline for potato days! I'm actually planning to write a post about that soon. <3
I am eager to talk more about this. I think especially in Midlife, we really want to make our natural processes work for us because we understand them better. Appreciate you sharing the wisdom.
Oh please do!! As an undiagnosed neurodivergent (I think!) ME and perimenopause sufferer this article is me!! I am just starting to realise I need potato days and need to accept them!
That's the question I'm working on for myself these days : can't see/feel my "orange zone", it's like green until...... It's dark red and I have to cancel or reschedule all my appointements / engagements (and this is hard, cause keeping my engagement is a strong value for me). Not sure if I "should" plan patatoe/rest time or if I just "have to" learn to go with the flow and improvise (which can be tough with some ASD aspect of my brain who craves for structure and routine and the other (dominant) part which is just like "f* it all, yeehaaa !!" ;)) Thanks for this post, and thanks you for your comment !! 🙏
"F* it all, yeehaaa !!" cracked me up because that's the feeling. That is, until "Who am I and what am I doing?" kicks in, and then, as Kelly says, "Why am I even doing anything?" Fortunately for my jobs, etc., there's still a decent amount of "This is cool, I'm killing it!" mixed in. Ay ay ay, what a confusing cycle.
Lol I love this because it's exactly what I've been learning for myself but I didn't have a good word for it.... POTATO DAYS!!! 🥳
FWIW, I would actually encourage POTATO HOUR for anyone who needs it as well. As someone living w severe long term autistic burnout, most of my days are actually potato days.... but I do have to feed myself, so I can't go full potato every single day. So make potato time whenever it works best for you!! Be the potato you want to see in the world! 😍😘
I agree! While I dont have autism, I do struggle with long term burnout from other mental health issues so most of my days are potato days as well. And potato hour is a good idea too! Sometimes you just need that break to refresh yourself.
I can't express how absolutely greatful I am to have found your substack I was diagnosed in my early 20s I felt so broken I began seeking help & found it at the free clinic was diagnosed with anxiety & depression & given medicationwith little relief down the road a few yrs later a different doctor had diagnosed ADHD but (that was over 30 years ago. Im sure I have had it all my life long before ADHD became an identifiable diagnosable thing. Living undiagnosed resulted in much of my life being criticized & labeled as bad or abnormal as I was criticized for many things, that even now I am still learning are characteristics of those with ADHD; walking too fast, staying up too late, sleeping too much,sleeping too late, always rushing last minute, being late, being clumsy not paying attention, talking to loud, too much,mood swings, too sensitive I was labeled a bad student,unfocused, lazy, a procrastinator, & CONSTANTLY called out for not finishing things. I still in my head hear my parents " why can't you..." "You need to..." " If you would only..." am an artsy type crafty, poetry, drama club but so much criticism sticks & becomes hard to hear & the when one already believes all the things she's been labeled her whole life it's hard to make your way in the world believing you are a not normal & define yourself as a loser who will never amount to anything & my best chance is to find a husband who will "put up with me" I never married have no kids, Now I'm old & have survived on unconventional flexible jobs after being a bartender for 30+ years cause I suck at a regimented scheduled. Just flailing through life.
You are a champion!
Think of the strength it took for you to keep going and live your life in spite of all the lemmings who couldn’t see past their own noses and tried to push you into their tiny little ‘how to live a proper life’-box.
You’re a rockstar and don’t let yourself believe any different!
Yess! Jennifer is a ROCKSTAR!! Seriously Jennifer YOU ARE!
Any tips on how one with a full time job and/or multiple young children embrace potato days without sacrificing their home and/or neglecting their kids? It’s often easier for those who own their homes and/or have a neurotypical significant other whose job can support them both, but many of us dealing with adhd/audhd burnout are living hand to mouth as it is and can’t afford to quit their jobs even though their mental health is being impacted by the stress of working 5 days a week. The fear of being homeless / having your children taken away is worse, and permeates into relaxation time if one who can already barely make rent takes a day off. Many of us go to work sick because we’re afraid of being evicted if our pay check is short. Not to mention that not too many bosses are cool with folx not coming in to work “because they needed a potato day”. What are some solutions that struggling folx from every social class can access?
This was my thinking, if thinking is the right word. Caring role, running a family, having to work out income. Every day. My diagnosis is fairly recent but it's the intense severe shaking falling over burnout that made the ADHD suddenly obvious. What I've found at the moment - micronaps of possible. Even just sitting down. Audiobooks while doing other stuff, but even more so just relaxing background music which changes when it gets a bit irritating. It's okay to bounce around with them. Currently I use the Ambience app (free, I'm pretty sure) - the metro and espresso range are great for having a bit of energy (when meds kick in). Slow work - that is, tired but have to keep going: the current go to is 1920s Jazz cafe background (YouTube), slow jazz, tinkling piano. Just on low volume. Works amazingly well. Stepping outside, so nature of any kind can offer you something. During the day showers have been my current experiment which seem to help energy and focus
Cool showers are good. And for sleeping better my wife found ambient SFX on you tube, such as riverboat crossing, in a train sleeper cabin, crickets... Again, try different ones and get to know them. Your mood and cells will tell if one is right or not. Oh, and lying flat on your back. This, apparently, signals to your body that there are no threats. My body almost audible sighs and sinks. Which is amazing, works irrespective of your brain, because it's more basic. It's what I've found, anyway. Sorry for your stress piles and stress walls especially the finance - that's such a cruel kicking your legs out constantly violence. My only way to earn income is through writing - but organising that has been accepting a long slow process. Seeing a vagueish precishish end goal of publishing and helping other writers, but celebrating steps and part steps that get there. E.g clearing a bit of space in a room toward having a shared workspace. Working on rhythms and habits for a clean kitchen. Oversharing? Don't know, but I know how lonely that stress is.
4:20 am. Couldn't sleep but tired. Feeling much better for reading this article and writing this.
So, this one: creativity is a source of energy pat excellence, and worth working at even in small bits. And accepting that small wins are actually huge ones when your're exhausted.
I like the idea of using audio books and light music to use throughout the day! And laying on your back seems really helpful too. As someone who struggles with silence which can impact how my day goes this is something I haven't tried! Thanks for sharing!
Wow, that's amazing Ailia. I'm so glad. The dof g just sighed at my feet, the traffic on the distant hwy(1:47am), I'm trying to get to bed earlier, that is, start another new routine, be auaw it's not just me it's the home family ecosystem I'm trying to lift up here, and you've just perked me in that way that you know is meaningful even though you're tired. So, Shazam. Respectful nod to you.
Hi JB. Not sure if these ideas will help you, but wanted to put them forward in hopes that they might. As a single mom, when my daughter was little, we had some play routines that she loved which really were about giving myself a chance to rest. For one, we would play "boat" where she'd pack a bag with toys, a snack, book, etc. She'd climb into my bigger bed, or the sofa, the "boat." I'd bring the broom which was her "oar." She'd row with the broom and tell stories about where we were going to her dolls. I rested. The other time she still has fond memories of was when I taught her to blow bubble gum. In reality I was sick on the sofa with walking pneumonia, and teaching her bubble gum kept her happily occupied for a couple hours each day. Hope you are able to find some potato day routines.
Embracing the chaos has been an important part of living with ADHD. Trying to fit in regular schedules is like hell.
I totally agree (PhD in psychology and brain with ADHD here)! I call it “intuitive scheduling.”
I love this- though I’m still working on accepting it in my day-to-day. Pre-ADHD-diagnosis me (read: pre-covid lockdowns, actively in an intense graduate degree program, heavily masking and didn’t know it, ran on anxiety alone but thought it was normal) didn’t feel like she struggled with discipline in the traditional sense. It’s been hard to reconcile that with present me, who now understands how so much of what I used to think was discipline was actually intense anxiety and a schedule that imposed an extreme amount of external structure.
While I recognize the ebbs and flows to my productivity now, I still find myself frustrated on potato days. I feel like I should be more productive, and because my brain remembers that version of me who didn’t (knowingly) struggle with productivity, I feel like I should be trying to get back to that version of myself even though I know it wouldn’t be healthy and isn’t possible. “Should” is doing a lot of heavy lifting in the previous sentence, but I suppose it feels like even though there were a lot of drawbacks to how things used to be for me, I can’t help but admire that past version of myself and be a bit jealous that when she said she was going to do something, she did it and didn’t fight so hard with the aspect of discipline.
It takes time to rewrite the shoulds. Just keep pushing back against it with all the reasons why they’re bad for you. They’ll back off over time. If it helps, remember that rest that allows you to do more in the long run is productive in its own way. Also, productivity doesn’t determine your worth, despite what our capitalist society says. You have just as much worth in potato mode as you do in fire mode.
I LOVE this because this makes so much sense. For me; I tend to focus on my cycle and the Moon to get an idea of what I can expect from myself emotionally. For example; I know that if I'm in my follicular phase - I'm bound to have a lot more energy than when I am in my late luteal phase. I also find that my adhd is worse during my luteal phase so I make sure to (1) take more of my medicine (according to my doctor), rest more, and (2) allow myself to take it easy without judging myself.
So I love this. "Chaotic discipline". I'm here for it. <3
Do you have a “potato day routine”? Also, love the cover art for the article 🙊🥔
You are so real. The world needs real.
This is what I'm trying to work on! I call it ebb and flow, but exactly the same. I need to save this for when the next 🥔days arrive, which they will. Thank you, Kelly
I just feel like a failure yesterday, and this is what I need to hear right now, thank you for sharing this!
Totally agree with this. There are days when I have to lay on the sofa with a duvet watching Gilmore Girls. The only problem is, I also have a neurodivergent 9-year-old which means I can't always have a potato day 😞
Thank you so much, feeling a bit emotional, but I definitely know I'm in the right place, right App, right group, right Truth... Where I can continue to grow and love myself even more 🦋🙏🙏🙏
I'm so glad you're here!! <3
Me too, Thank you for being present 🦋🙏🙏🙏